A girl in my Sociology class turns around during a class activity on goals to start a conversation with me. Her opening line is: ‘I want to get married.’ I nod and smile. She does not ask me my goals, just continues telling me the sort of guy she’d like to be with and how many kids she’d like. Thoughtfully, she adds, ‘My mom told me to meet someone and marry them. You don’t wanna date around because you wanna be fresh for the guy and not a….you know what.’
My cousin’s Facebook ‘About Me’ lists things she would like in a man. There is nothing about her or the things she does, only qualities she finds attractive. ‘Looking for someone who can play the guitar and cook a great dinner,’ she wrote. I can hear her bubbly, singsong voice while reading it. She is thirteen years old and has told me that girls ‘oughta only kiss their husbands and that’s it.’ When I ask her what she wants to be when she’s older she says, ‘Married.’
My male friend tells me that he has no problem with what girls do, but that he would not date a girl who’s ‘been around’ because she’d be ‘dirty.’ I wonder if each time someone touches you, a part of you is soiled. If there are piles of dirt in the spaces where others’ fingers once rested. In the shower, I try to scrub the smell of dirt from myself, but come out, still polluted, with red scratch marks all over me.
Being called a ‘you know what’ taught me some things: that I do not want to be touched by somebody who will judge my past. That I am not a tally book, with others’ names burned into me. If you have to label me as something, let it be a human being.
A “You Know What” | Lora Mathis
A middle finger to slut shaming. (via lora-mathis)
1. There’s a reason schools teach Shakespeare instead of John Green; you make your own life, it’s not written in the stars, waiting to start until you find that person with the perfect smile
2. People are a hell of a lot smart than you think. Shut your mouth, stop thinking you know everything, and listen.
3. Getting close and being vulnerable is scary as hell, But you know what else it is? Worth it.
4. Reason really is the doctor to love.
5. The moment you feel your happiness being dictated by another person, take a break from them.
6. Take a step back and look around, you have more friends than you think.
7. Growing up is going to happen and it’s going to be tough. Just stay close to those around you, you’re all in it together.
8. If you’re still checking their Facebook/Instagram/tumblr, you’re never going to get over them.
9. Everything seems worse in the morning. Don’t fall for it, it’s deceiving.
10. No need to be so intense all the time. People get tired of swimming in the deep end, sometimes they need a break in the shallow part of the pool.
11. Stop avoiding everything. Get out of bed, get dressed, go to school, go to work. It sucks at first but it’s part of the healing process.
12. If the person makes you feel like shit and you still go back to them, it’s an abusive relationship.
13. Headphones are great, but listen to music aloud every once in a while. Sometimes you need to scream a song so everyone can hear you.
14. Boundaries are a must.
15. You can be a caring person, but you need to be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.
16. Try and understand other’s intentions and situation before you get angry with them.
17. Tough love is necessary sometimes.
18. You can’t fix people no matter how hard you try. Get this engrained in your mind.
19. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you.
20. Loneliness is lethal and makes you have a distorted view of things.
21. No one hates you more than you hate yourself. Stop being your own enemy.
22. Someone can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to.
23. Getting your shit back in order is five times as hard as it is to mess it all up.
24. Listen to your parent’s advice.
25. Be open to anything and everything. Life isn’t fun when you’re a closed book.
26. Talking about your problems is great, but there comes a point when talking about it becomes dwelling on the past and it drains everyone around you. Know when you’ve hit this point.
27. A lot of people don’t like their shit showing. More people than you know are going through hard times.
28. Distract yourself.
29. Don’t be so easily swayed, a lot of claims out there are not true.
30. Some seasons of your life are harder than others. This too shall pass.
30 Things I Learned During the 30 Worst Days of my Life: November 2013 (via 726days)
I love you
y u so perf